


How Dare You?

by CelticKnot



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Memory, Prompt Fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-12 04:03:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15331299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelticKnot/pseuds/CelticKnot
Summary: From a prompt: “There’s a first time for everything. And a last.”





	How Dare You?

There is a first time for everything.

He remembers the first glimpse of sunset-colored eyes, defiant in the scope. Shades of vermilion and gold blazing with courage and conviction. _How dare you?_ she mouths, challenging not only this mission, but all of them. His entire life called into question. He recoils in shock and awe.

He remembers not having a good answer to that question.

He remembers the first contract left unfinished, the first orders disobeyed. Instead, tracking her, stalking her as though she’s just another target, because he doesn’t know how else to approach her. Kneeling at her feet, begging her forgiveness. _I need you to save me._

He remembers the first glimmer of compassion in those eyes.

He remembers the first blossoming of unfamiliar emotions, the strange sensations that cause his own body to seem an alien thing. Every moment in her company is pure bliss; every moment apart, torture. He is as drunk on her kindness and mercy as he is on her beauty. Nothing else means anything.

He remembers the first time she suggests the unthinkable. To leave behind everything he’s ever known. To start a new life—together. He remembers the clashing storm of elation and terror at the idea. But the more he thinks about it, the more realizes there is no other way. They cannot go on like this. And he cannot go on without her.

He remembers the first time he truly feels alive.

There is a first time for everything. And a last.

He remembers the last glimpse of sunset-colored eyes, at once empty and accusing. Fixed open in agony, burning coldly and lifelessly into his soul. _How dare you?_ they seem to demand, and his entire life crashes down upon him. He recoils in shock and terror.

He remembers not having a good answer to that question.

He remembers the last contract he takes. Complicated and dangerous, it keeps him too far away, too long.

He remembers the last message she sends him. _I think we’re in danger._

He remembers the last time he sees her alive, pleading through the screen for him to come home. He remembers the naked fear in those eyes.

He remembers the last time he enters his own home, creeping silently through the open door with his pistol drawn. Darkness and the stench of blood press in on him. He refuses to consider what he knows is true until he sees it with his own eyes. He is numb. Empty.

He remembers the last time he truly feels alive.

He remembers the last time he feels _anything_.

There is a last time for everything. And a first.

For the first time, he will take a life of his own volition. He has no contract but the one signed in his wife’s blood. This kill will be on his conscience alone; the stain upon his own soul. He considers it a small price to pay.

For the last time, he will leave his son behind and go on the hunt. If he returns, he will never leave again. If he does not... perhaps it is better.

_How dare you?_

He remembers how it felt to be whole and happy. He remembers how it felt to be loved, and to love. His family gave that to him for the first time. He clings to the memory. It’s all he has left.

There is a first time for everything.

And a last.


End file.
